Better Luck Next Time, Sasuke
by Sanatoria
Summary: It's unspoken law that Kakashi is never on time, and Naruto's a prankster. Waiting meekly? Letting Sasuke read his book in peace? Not a chance in the world. Sasuke quickly cultivates a burning hatred for three things: Naruto, shadow clones, and henges. (An unfortunate misunderstanding occurs, and Sasuke is the butt of the joke. He can never show his face in Konoha again.)


**A/N: Warning for Sasuke's foul language. He's a teenager, and an exceptionally moody one at that, who's having a very bad day.**

 **Edit: Gah. I binge-wrote this about a week after I decided to try my hand at creative writing for the first time since middle school English class. It's one of the first things I've written. It's horrible, and not representative of where I'm at now. (The same goes for all my other early fics.) Try not to judge too hard, please? I would delete this, but I'm too stubborn to :')**

* * *

"Sasuke."

Sasuke clenched his jaw and pointedly ignored the idiot, raising his book just a little bit higher.

"Saaasukeee."

He flipped the next page a little more forcefully than normal.

… _In cases where direct, close-combat fighting is impossible, shinobi specialized in taijutsu with primarily short-range jutsu are advised to—_

"Saaaaaa. Suuuu. Keeeeeeeee."

… _advised to redirect the battle to a more ideal—_

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" And the sound of the dreaded pops, signifying the spawning of dozens of idiots, filled the air. That wasn't even so bad in and of itself, but then—

What the fuck.

"…What the _hell_ are you doing?! Get off me!"

"Henge!"

And suddenly two dozen Narutos were replaced by two dozen Sakuras. Complete with squealing, blushing, and giggling.

Acting on instinct, Sasuke immediately swapped places with a log that was a good twenty metres away.

The Sakuras pouted as one collective entity. "Aw, Sasuke- _kun_ , come back!" They crossed their arms and made puppy-dog eyes at him in disturbing synchrony.

Sasuke glared at them from the tree. "What the hell do you want, idiot? Can't you just leave me in peace?"

The Sakuras cranked up their pouts to the highest, most insufferable levels imaginable. "But Sakura-chan is sick today, and Kakashi-sensei probably isn't even going to be here until _lunchtime_!"

(It was a bit difficult parsing Naruto's speech here, which was, after all, the equivalent of twenty or so pre-pubescent female voices yelling at Naruto-level volumes.)

"Like I care. You're a ninja, entertain yourself. Go train. Read a book." If the idiot even knew how to read, that was. Sasuke couldn't be sure.

He huffed. Why did he care? He _didn't_. He went back to his book.

… _redirect the battle to a more ideal setting. If the option of evasion is also limited, then the best course of action would be to—_

"Henge!"

… _the best course of action would be to—_

"HEY, losers. I'm Sasuke, and I think I'm all that. I have stoopid duck-butt hair, and all I do is frown all day."

"Oh, Sasuke-kun! I love you and want to have your babies!"

Sasuke twitched. That hit a little too close to home.

"Nay. Thou art stupid."

That…what, no, Sasuke did not talk like that.

"Henge! It's no use, Sakura-chan! Sasuke is super stuck-up. He doesn't understand how pretty and amazing you are! But I do! In fact, I'm going to be Hokage one day! Believe it!"

"Wow, Naruto-kun, you're right! Sasuke-kun is ugly and stupid, but you're so handsome and cool!"

Sasuke's nails dug into the covers of the book. Why. _Why_ did this always happen to him. The _one time_ the annoying fangirl was sick, Naruto just had to go and be ten times more annoying to make up for it. He wondered if Kurenai knew any visual and auditory stimuli -blocking genjutsu. He'd have to ask her sometime. Sometime _soon_.

"Oh, hey! Lee!"

Great. More characters to add to Naruto's demented little play. Naruto was getting better, though. Sasuke hadn't even heard the henge that time.

"Greetings, Naruto-kun, Sakura-chan, Sasuke-kun! I see Kakashi-sensei is not here yet. Would you like to join me in searching for Gai-sensei? It is very unusual for him to be this late."

Hmph. Sasuke had wanted to see what Naruto's warped worldview would make of Rock Lee, but the idiot's Lee impression was surprisingly realistic.

Sasuke still refused to look up from his book. _Yes_ , he knew no one was watching. _Yes_ , he realized he was no longer reading the book. _No_ , he didn't care. Looking up would be akin to admitting defeat, and Sasuke had a reputation to uphold, dammit.

"Eh, what do you think could be wrong?"

"Hmm. Well, usually Gai-sensei is only late if he is preoccupied with a challenge with his Eternal Rival."

Sasuke hadn't realized Naruto knew that word—preoccupied. He learnt something new every day, it seemed.

"Oh, you mean Kakashi-sensei? Well, then, as his student, I'll help you find him in no time!"

"I'll help too, Lee-kun!"

"I, Sasuke, shall, too. Help you. Find Kakashi."

"Really?! You have my sincerest gratitude, everyone!"

Naruto's little show was getting surprisingly creative now. What was this, a plot? Were they really going off on some idiotic hunt for another one of Naruto's clones?

Sasuke would already be miles away if it wasn't for Kakashi's unpredictable arrivals. He'd be damned if he let Naruto get to him to the point that he'd be absent for Kakashi's arrival, and then forced to do extra laps around the village for being late.

Curse Kakashi and his hypocrisy.

"Er, Sasuke-kun." The fake Lee's tone of voice snapped Sasuke out of his musings. He sounded… remarkably reserved and hesitant. Sasuke honestly hadn't known Naruto had it in him to be anything other than brash and confident. "May I ask… Why are you wearing one of Naruto-kun's jumpsuits?"

The little bastard. Naruto was _fucking_ lucky. Because Sasuke would have bashed his head in if someone actually caught glimpse of the Last Uchiha in one of Naruto's outfits. But fortunately for Naruto's face and Sasuke's blood pressure, Sasuke knew that he and Naruto were the only real people in the field right now.

"Ah. Yes. I, Uchiha Sasuke, have realized my foolish ways. Naruto has taught me his Ninja Way, and… and I, too, share his dream to one day become Hokage! I want to be like Naruto, who is a thousand times better than I am! Believe it! …I mean, I speaketh the truth."

For a moment, Sasuke felt vaguely offended that Naruto seemed to honestly believe he spoke like that. Then he realized he didn't care what Naruto said or did. They were all just clones, anyways. It wasn't as though that was _really_ Rock Lee he was talking to.

"I am surprised, Sasuke-kun! I am glad you are no longer so cross and irritable. Well, then, let us go check the other training fields!"

Sasuke listened to their receding footsteps until he could no longer hear anything. Then he waited another sixty seconds. Just to be sure…

… _Yes._ He was finally alone.

Sasuke let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and peeked up from over his book. The field was empty. The corner of his mouth lifted in satisfaction. If Kakashi showed up, _Naruto_ would now be the one forced to run five extra laps around the village.

He jumped down from the branch and casually strolled over to the three posts in the centre of the field, plopping down against the one in the middle. He gazed around him. The field was empty, with no one around for as far as Sasuke could see. He was alone.

Perfect.

He breathed in, a small smile finding its way onto his face. No Naruto, no Sakura, even Kakashi wasn't here to order him around. Bliss.

Pulling out the book again, Sasuke settled down to read. No more distractions, at long last.

… _the best course of action would be to manoeuvre the enemy into a position that would allow for closer quarters of fighting._

 _Potential tactics include goading, feigning injury or weakness, use of substitution jutsus, or hiding. However, it must be noted that—_

"AH, MY ETERNAL RIVAL! IT SEEMS YOUR FIRES OF YOUTH HAVE BESTED ME YET AGAIN! I MUST CONCEDE MY DEFEAT!"

"Mhmm."

"I WAS CERTAIN WITH ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS SICK I WOULD WIN THIS ROUND FOR SURE! HOW DID YOU KNOW YOUR STUDENTS WOULD NOT GO SEARCHING FOR YOU?"

Fan-fucking-tastic, for a moment Sasuke had been convinced that they had actually been Maito Gai and Hatake Kakashi. But no, evidently Naruto just didn't know when to stop.

"Ah, it was more so just Sasuke. He just can't be bothered. Isn't that right, my cute little genin?"

Sasuke grit his teeth. Was one small morning of peace and quiet too much to ask for? He really hadn't wanted to get so aggravated, but Naruto's abnormally realistic imitations were getting on his nerves.

He needed to take action.

Snapping his book closed and slamming it down beside him, Sasuke stood up and glared at 'Gai' and 'Kakashi'. They looked baffled. Oh, it was all very convincing. But Sasuke was not about to be fooled by the likes of a _dead last_.

He cracked his knuckles, face darkening into a sneer. "You don't think I can be bothered? Well, I've had enough of your little act. I'll show you bothered, you bastard!"

'Gai' gasped. "Such foul words! Kakashi, what have you been teaching your students?"

"Hmm? Oh, that's nothing," 'Kakashi' said, waving his hand dismissively. "But, ah, Sasuke…? Would you like to calm down a little and, maybe, you know, explain?"

Sasuke ignored Naruto's attempts to confuse him. He hated to waste his chakra so early in the day, before training had even started, but this would teach that moron a lesson. He formed the hand seals for the Uchiha clan's signature jutsu.

"Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!" Sasuke saw a brief split-second of surprise on the clones' faces before they vanished.

Finally. Why hadn't Sasuke done that earlier?

He started to turn around to go back to his book when—

What?

The two clones were standing off to the side. 'Kakashi' had his arms crossed and eyebrow raised, an exasperated look on his face. 'Gai' was frowning mightily, hands on his hips.

Sasuke was grudgingly impressed at the level of thought and detail Naruto was putting into the characterization of these clones. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought they were the real deal.

He was also reluctantly reconsidering his previous assessment of Naruto's reaction time and speed. Damn the dead last and his ridiculous growth. What, so now Naruto had Jōnin-level speeds too? Next he would announce he was the Sage of Six Paths, or something equally absurd like that.

Sasuke considered his options. Normally, he didn't believe in open communication. After all, he was an Uchiha. But his day had gone to hell in a handbasket, and he didn't see any other way—short of outright brawling—to get Naruto to drop the act. So, taking a deep breath to calm himself, he told Naruto to kindly fuck off.

"Naruto. Kindly fuck off."

'Kakashi' gave Sasuke an odd look that said he questioned Sasuke's intelligence. "Er, did you… hit your head, or something?" His one visible eye squinted down at Sasuke. "Do I need to take you to the hospital?"

So Naruto refused to drop the act, eh? Sasuke gave 'Kakashi' a tight-lipped smile. Two could play that game. "I'm perfectly fine. Now, pray tell, what 'training' will we be doing today, 'sensei'?"

'Kakashi' eyed Sasuke skeptically. "Ah… I still don't really get what's gotten into you, but, well," he said, scratching his head. "I suppose we can start off with some spars, since you're the only one here."

He gave a sideways glance to 'Gai', who nodded vigorously. "Excellent suggestion, my rival! I shall watch and cheer Sasuke on!"

Internally, Sasuke scoffed. As usual, Naruto was both stupid _and_ arrogant. To think he could take on Sasuke, with a mere clone! The dead last couldn't win in a fair fight, let alone like this. It was laughable. But as clones… that meant Sasuke was _not_ going to go easy on them. And since Naruto had initiated the fight, Sasuke would have justification for any depletion in chakra stores once the _real_ Kakashi arrived later.

'Kakashi' raised his eyebrow. "Well? Are you going to attack?"

"Hmph. It'd be my pleasure."

No holds barred. Sasuke smirked internally. This would be over in five seconds.

* * *

The fight was over in five seconds.

Sasuke had lunged towards the clone with a growl, using a series of moves that he _knew_ worked on Naruto every time. He _knew!_ His memory couldn't be betraying him, he had the Sharingan, dammit! But somehow the clone had grabbed his wrist, jerked him off balance, and slammed him into the ground, all with an air of effortless boredom.

"My, my, Sasuke, what was that? That might work against Naruto, but to try it on me? I thought you were smarter than that." The clone tsked at him, but let go of the back of Sasuke's shirt.

Sasuke grit his teeth, feeling the blood rush to his face. To be beaten so easily… even if this had been the real Kakashi, Sasuke would have been bitterly dismayed at losing so quickly. But to be beaten by a clone—a clone of _Uzumaki dead-last Naruto_ —that was downright humiliating.

"God fucking _dammit_." He grabbed a kunai out of his pouch and hurled it at the clone, eyes more than a little wild. The Gai clone backed away slightly, looking uncomfortable. The Kakashi clone plucked the kunai out of the air, raising an eyebrow.

"I've had _enough_ of your ridiculous games, you idiot! All I'm trying to do is enjoy my morning before Kakashi the fucking sadistic hedgehog shows up, so don't drag me into your retarded plays! And I don't care how many characters you can do, but my hair does not look like a butt and I _don't speak like that!_ "

Breathing shakily but with righteous fury, Sasuke ended his rant. He crossed his arms and glared, waiting for Naruto to finally drop the act.

"...Ah." The Kakashi clone looked like he was holding back a laugh.

The Gai clone stood off to the side, face scrunched up so hard that veins were popping. "Such youthful anger… but I do not understand. My Rival, do you know what young Sasuke is talking about?"

"Hmm." 'Kakashi' now both looked and sounded amused. "Say, Sasuke… are you, by any chance… somehow under the impression that we are Naruto's henged clones?"

What.

Sasuke paled, going rigid.

His brain acknowledged the words it had just heard, reflected on it, and then promptly shut itself down, leaving Sasuke to fend for himself at the mental processing rate of a fruit fly.

Did—did that mean—the _whole time_ —

Oh, shit, and so Lee—the _fucking jumpsuit_ —

And they had run off around the village, _all of goddamn Konoha and their dog_ had probably seen Sasuke in a retarded orange jumpsuit—

 _Shit_ , and he had just called Kakashi a fucking sadistic hedgehog _to his face_ , fuck, Sasuke was in so, _so_ , deep, he was going to have to leave the village and become a missing nin—

"Gai-sensei! There you are! We have been searching all over Konoha for you!"

 _all over Konoha all over Konoha all over Konoha_

"Wait, why are there two of Sasuke-kun?"

"Ehehehe… er, I may have, uh, made a clone or two…"

"What? Naruto-kun, that is most unyouthful! I thought Sasuke-kun really was our number one fan! And after I went to all that effort to give Sasuke-kun my signature bowl-cut hair!"

 _bowl-cut hair bowl-cut hair bowl-cut hair_

"Lee, my precious student, let us return to Neji and Tenten… I believe Kakashi will want to talk to his team."

"Yes, Gai-sensei!"

 _all over Konoha orange jumpsuit bowl-cut hair number one fan all over Konoha all over Konoha all over Konoha_

"…Whaaat? Kakashi-sensei, do I _have_ to? Ow! Okay, okay, fine, I'll apologize… jeez."

 _all over Konoha all over Konoha all over Konoha_

"Um. Sasuke? You okay? Earth to stupid, anyone home? Uh, sorry about the clone. But hey, no harm done, right?"

 _Naruto._

 _I. Am going. To. Fucking._ Murder _. That. Idiot._

Sasuke's mind, finally, had decided to kick back into motion—bringing with it a rush of adrenaline and a single, concentrated goal.

Make Naruto _pay._

His eyes bled into the bright, spinning red of the Sharingan.

He snarled.

" _Chidori!_ "

"Eeeyyaaaugh! Sensei! HELP!"

Sasuke tore after Naruto, the Chidori doubling his speed. He was closing in. His face twisted into a maniacal grin. Just a _little_ bit closer…

For the second time in so many minutes, a hand grabbed hold of Sasuke's wrist.

"—Aaaand I think that's enough."

"Dammit!" Sasuke struggled against Kakashi's hold. "Let me go!" He gave Kakashi's arm a good whack.

Kakashi winced, but didn't let go. "Sasuke, this has all been very amusing—"

Sasuke growled, glaring up at Kakashi with as much hate as he could possibly muster into his Sharingan. Yeah, he was sure Kakashi found his pain hilarious. Sadist.

"—but Naruto was late, so we're already very behind on our training schedule. Don't you want to train, become strong, be an… avenger, all that?"

Hmph.

That was true. Sasuke still had to kill That Man. And he could always go after Naruto later. He wasn't going to get in any damage under Kakashi's watchful eye, and, after all, revenge was a dish best served cold…

Sasuke forced his body to relax. Grimacing, he ended the Chidori and let his eyes fade back to brown.

"Great!" Kakashi let go of Sasuke's arm and turned to the idiot. "Now then, before we start; Naruto, you were inexcusably late today! And your shenanigans have caused us to lose even more precious training time. Three laps around the village." He smiled sweetly.

The look on Naruto's face was priceless. Sasuke smirked as Naruto stammered in protest. "What—but—but _you're_ the one who was late! You're _always_ making us lose training time!"

Kakashi shook his head. "Shoving the blame onto others? That's not very mature of you, Naruto. Four laps."

" _What?!_ "

Sasuke snickered. At least Kakashi was still _somewhat_ on his side. Karma was a—

"Oh, and Sasuke? What was that you called me back there? A 'fucking sadistic hedgehog', was it?"

—bitch.

Fuck.

"Five laps around the village."

* * *

 **A/N: This is one of my first attempts at writing! If you liked it, as a newbie author, I'd be incredibly happy if you could leave a quick review—even if it's just a one-word comment. They make my day. And some constructive criticism would be even more appreciated! :)**


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